Learn, he says, that there will be hours, days
and months ahead of feeling absolutely terrible
and nothing can change that; neither new
girlfriends, health professionals, changes of diet, dope, humility, or
God.
I suppose like others
I have come through fire and sword,
love gone wrong,
head-on crashes, drunk at sea,
and I have listened to the simple sound of water running
in tubs
and wished to drown
"being alone never felt right. sometimes it felt good, but it never felt right."
"I drive around the streets
an inch away from weeping,
ashamed of my sentimentality and
possible love."
"your letters got sadder. your lovers betrayed you. kid, I wrote back, all lovers betray. it didn't help. you said you had a crying bench and it was by a bridge and the bridge was over the river and you sat on the crying bench every night and wept for the lovers who had hurt and forgotten you."
so it's always a process of letting go, one way or another
"Finally there is nothing here for death to take away."
"Our disappointment sits between us."
"as she
drove me through the hills everything screamed inside of
me, and I kept saying as we drove along
(to myself, of course)
fucker, it will pass,
everything passes,
it's all a joke
a joke on you"
"Belane, are you nuts?"
Who knows? Insanity is comparative. Who sets the norm?"
"I feel strangely normal."
"and getting dressed we talk about what else there might be to do, but being together solves most of it, in fact, solves all of it"
"I can never drive my car over a bridge without thinking of suicide.
I can never look at a lake or an ocean without thinking of suicide."
