Then the gates of his heart were flung open, and his joy flew far over the sea. And he closed his eyes and prayed in the silences of his soul.
But as he descended the hill, a sadness came upon him, and he thought in his heart: How shall I go in peace and without sorrow? Nay, not without a wound in the spirit shall I leave this city.
Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?
... at the mirror ...
vineri, 22 august 2014
miercuri, 1 august 2012
nichita
Foarte greu mă primesc
să fiu cum sunt. (mit)
o, n-am sa stiu ca si tu
te dori pe tine asemeni (enghidu)
Tacerea mea aude nenascutii caini pe nenascutii oameni cum ii latra
Mă vor bea cândva, zeii
şi vor simţi în mine gustul tău,
cândva, când întomna-se-vor teii
de sete şi de rău.
Dar încă mai ninge, încă mai ninge
cu tine în mine rămân îngheţat (sete)
să fiu cum sunt. (mit)
o, n-am sa stiu ca si tu
te dori pe tine asemeni (enghidu)
Tacerea mea aude nenascutii caini pe nenascutii oameni cum ii latra
Mă vor bea cândva, zeii
şi vor simţi în mine gustul tău,
cândva, când întomna-se-vor teii
de sete şi de rău.
Dar încă mai ninge, încă mai ninge
cu tine în mine rămân îngheţat (sete)
Şi eu, cu pânzele sufletului
umflate de dor,
te caut pretutindeni, şi lucrurile vin
tot mai aproape,
şi pieptul mi-l strâng şi mă dor. (varsta de aur a dragostei)
umflate de dor,
te caut pretutindeni, şi lucrurile vin
tot mai aproape,
şi pieptul mi-l strâng şi mă dor. (varsta de aur a dragostei)
Pe pământ tot ce există are nevoie din când în când să plângă.
şi pasul greu mi se-aşternea nătâng
... şi fluieram, aşa, ca să nu plâng. (cantec vechi de luna noua)
... şi fluieram, aşa, ca să nu plâng. (cantec vechi de luna noua)
Ţărmul s-a rupt de mare şi te-a urmat
ca o umbră, ca un şarpe dezarmat.
ca o umbră, ca un şarpe dezarmat.
Trec fantome-ale verii în declin,
corăbiile sufletului meu marin.
corăbiile sufletului meu marin.
Şi viaţa mea se iluminează,
sub ochiul tău verde la amiază,
cenuşiu ca pământul la amurg.
Oho, alerg şi salt şi curg.
sub ochiul tău verde la amiază,
cenuşiu ca pământul la amurg.
Oho, alerg şi salt şi curg.
Mai lasă-mă un minut,
mai lasă-mă o secundă,
mai lasă-mă o frunză, un fir de nisip.
Mai lasă-mă o briză, o undă.
mai lasă-mă o secundă,
mai lasă-mă o frunză, un fir de nisip.
Mai lasă-mă o briză, o undă.
Mai lasă-mă un anotimp, un an, un timp (viata mea se ilumineaza)
Mi-e dor să pot
să nu-mi mai fie
dor de tine. (inapoierea cheii)
să nu-mi mai fie
dor de tine. (inapoierea cheii)
Mai stau o înserare,
ca să văd,
umbră din umbră cum se lasă,
cum al luminii văzătoare, dur prăpăd
devine de din ce în ce mai moale,
cum se lungeşte umbra după pomi,
cum omul după om se prelungeşte,
cum zidul dimineţii lent se năruieşte,
şi cum lumina stelelor răsare,
pe o cu totul altă înserare. (nod 32)
ca să văd,
umbră din umbră cum se lasă,
cum al luminii văzătoare, dur prăpăd
devine de din ce în ce mai moale,
cum se lungeşte umbra după pomi,
cum omul după om se prelungeşte,
cum zidul dimineţii lent se năruieşte,
şi cum lumina stelelor răsare,
pe o cu totul altă înserare. (nod 32)
N-au descifrat câmpia mare,
marea cea mare,
viaţa prea singura
ce ni s-a dat... (clipa cea repede)
marea cea mare,
viaţa prea singura
ce ni s-a dat... (clipa cea repede)
E un spectacol de neuitat acela
de-a sti,
de a descoperi
harta universului in expansiune,
in timp ce-ti privesti
o fotografie din copilarie!
de-a sti,
de a descoperi
harta universului in expansiune,
in timp ce-ti privesti
o fotografie din copilarie!
E un trup al tau, vechi,
pe care l-ai ratacit
si nici macar un anunt, dat
cu litere groase,
nu-ti ofera vreo sansa
sa-l mai regasesti. (sunt un om viu)
pe care l-ai ratacit
si nici macar un anunt, dat
cu litere groase,
nu-ti ofera vreo sansa
sa-l mai regasesti. (sunt un om viu)
El a venit si mi-a spus:
viata
este o absenta
intre doua inexistente.(acela)
viata
este o absenta
intre doua inexistente.(acela)
Desi inima mea este
ascunsa intre coaste,
sa vezi tu ce poveste:
mi-e foarte dor de tine. (desi)
ascunsa intre coaste,
sa vezi tu ce poveste:
mi-e foarte dor de tine. (desi)
Tocmai acum, tocmai acum
cind ar fi trebuit să fiu
cuprins de o tandră alergare,
mă prelungesc în vis
de frica de a fi fericit.(ea)
cind ar fi trebuit să fiu
cuprins de o tandră alergare,
mă prelungesc în vis
de frica de a fi fericit.(ea)
Pe mine când m-ai făcut
lacăt la ce poartă m-ai pus,
ce-ai încuiat cu mine
şi de cine?... (strigatul si zapada)
lacăt la ce poartă m-ai pus,
ce-ai încuiat cu mine
şi de cine?... (strigatul si zapada)
Niciodată n-am să învăţ că el a murit.
Dacă nu ştii să recunoşti iarba după verde şi apa după sete, atunci nu-i va fi nimănui dor de tine.
Plouă doamne şi transformă în noroi
sufletul meu de câmp arabil. (numaratoarea)
ea stă plictisită şi foarte frumoasă
şi eu numai pentru ea trăiesc
în lumea fioroasă
de sub ceresc. (de dragoste)
si astepti sa-ti spun numele
tuturor lucrurilor
pe care eu am ispravit de mult
sa ti le mai spun. (poem)
Niciodată n-am să învăţ că el a murit.
sufletul meu de câmp arabil. (numaratoarea)
ea stă plictisită şi foarte frumoasă
şi eu numai pentru ea trăiesc
în lumea fioroasă
de sub ceresc. (de dragoste)
si astepti sa-ti spun numele
tuturor lucrurilor
pe care eu am ispravit de mult
sa ti le mai spun. (poem)
Niciodată n-am să învăţ că el a murit.
Nu sunt vinovat că nu mai sunt
acelaşi
acelaşi
M-am vindecat de răni
când rănile mi s-au vindecat de trup
de durerea lor de a avea un trup.(prescriere)
când rănile mi s-au vindecat de trup
de durerea lor de a avea un trup.(prescriere)
A trebuit să vin a doua oară, pentru că prima oară abia acum îmi dau seama că nu există. A trebuit să vin a doua oară ca să-mi dau seama că prima oară nu există niciodată.
A avea un prieten este mai vital decat a avea un inger.
Numai tu şi cu mine
înmulţiţi şi împărţiţi
adunaţi şi scăzuţi
rămânem aceiaşi...
înmulţiţi şi împărţiţi
adunaţi şi scăzuţi
rămânem aceiaşi...
Pieri din mintea mea!
Revino-mi în inimă!(alta matematica)
Revino-mi în inimă!(alta matematica)
Cu mâna stângă ţi-am întors spre mine chipul,
sub cortul adormiţilor gutui
şi de-aş putea să-mi rup din ochii tăi privirea,
văzduhul serii mi-ar părea căprui. (luna in camp)
sub cortul adormiţilor gutui
şi de-aş putea să-mi rup din ochii tăi privirea,
văzduhul serii mi-ar părea căprui. (luna in camp)
Iar suntem înscrişi într-un cerc,
şi nu mai ştim de unde începem şi unde
ne sfârşim, în spaţiul dat
rezemat pe coloana acestor secunde. (basorelief cu indragostiti)
şi nu mai ştim de unde începem şi unde
ne sfârşim, în spaţiul dat
rezemat pe coloana acestor secunde. (basorelief cu indragostiti)
Nu sunt bătrân, sunt străvechi.
A te sprijini de propria ţară
cînd, omule, eşti singur, cînd eşti bîntuit
de neiubire (elegia a 11a)
A te sprijini de propria ţară
cînd, omule, eşti singur, cînd eşti bîntuit
de neiubire (elegia a 11a)
vineri, 18 mai 2012
tessa dunlop
As I moved towards him, it hit me. A sudden change, so real it hurt all over, and I knew in that split second that I had fallen in love.
but underneath I will always feel grateful that I was born in a country and in an era which allowed me to follow my heart.
but underneath I will always feel grateful that I was born in a country and in an era which allowed me to follow my heart.
miercuri, 9 mai 2012
John Green (2)
“It was nice - in the dark and the quiet... and her eyes looking back, like there was something in me worth seeing.”
“Maybe all the strings inside him broke.”
“But I believe in true love, you know? I don't believe that everybody gets to keep their eyes or not get sick or whatever, but everybody should have true love, and it should last at least as long as your life does.”
“Isn't it also that on some fundamental level we find it difficult to understand that other people are human beings in the same way that we are? We idealize them as gods or dismiss them as animals.”
“I'm starting to realize that people lack good mirrors. It's so hard for anyone to show us how we look, & so hard for us to show anyone how we feel.”
“When you go into the ER, one of the first things they ask you to do is rate your pain on a scale of one to ten, and from there they decide which drugs to use and how quickly to use them. I'd been asked this question hundreds of times over the years, and I remember once early on when I couldn't get my breath and it felt like my chest was on fire, flames licking the inside of my ribs fighting for a way to burn out of my body, my parents took me to the ER. nurse asked me about the pain, and I couldn't even speak, so I held up nine fingers.
Later, after they'd given me something, the nurse came in and she was kind of stroking my head while she took my blood pressure and said, "You know how I know you're a fighter? You called a ten a nine."
But that wasn't quite right. I called it a nine because I was saving my ten.”
“The real heroes anyway aren't the people doing things; the real heroes are the people NOTICING things, paying attention.”
“So, I know that she forgives me, just as I forgive her. Thomas Edison’s last words were: “It’s very beautiful over there.” I don’t know where there is, but I believe it’s somewhere, and I hope it’s beautiful.”
“Nothing's wrong. Everything's right. Things couldn't be righter. Things could be less tired. They could be less busy. They could be less caffeinated. But they couldn't be righter. ”
“I felt the unfairness of it, the inarguable injustice of loving someone who might have loved you back but can't due to deadness.”
“Someday no one will remember that she ever existed, I wrote in my notebook, and then, or that I did. Because memories fall apart, too. And then you're left with nothing, left not even with a ghost but with its shadow. In the beginning, she had haunted me, haunted my dreams, but even now, just weeks later, she was slipping away, falling apart in my memory and everyone else's, dying again.”
But he wasn't crying. Curiously, he felt too depressed to cry. Too hurt. It felt as if she'd taken the part of him that cried.”
because I do not want to see a world without him.”
“I'm sorry. I know you loved her. It was hard not to.”
“I wanted to know that he would be okay if I died. I wanted to not be a grenade, to not be a malevolent force in the lives of people I loved.”
“Being in a relationship, that's something you choose. Being friends, that's just something you are. . . [But] I do pick you. . . We've been friends too long to pick, but if we could pick, I'd pick you.”
“Come over here so I can examine your face with my hands and see deeper into your soul than a sighted person ever could.”
“It's hard to believe in coincidence, but it's even harder to believe in anything else.”
“We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken.”
“The pleasure isn't in doing the thing, the pleasure is in planning it.”
“My head was level with hers as we stared at each other from opposite sides of the glass. I don't remember how it ended - if I went to bed or she did. In my memory, it doesn't end. We just stay there, looking at each other, forever.”
“Leaving feels good and pure only when you leave something important, something that mattered to you. Pulling life out by the roots. But you can't do that until your life has grown roots.”
“I've never known before what it feels like to want someone - not to want to hook up with them or whatever, but to want them, to want them. And now I do. So maybe I do believe in epiphanies.”
“We acknowledge that being the person God made you cannot separate you from God's love.”
“She had this dark cancer water dripping out of her chest. Eyes closed. Intubated. But her hand was still her hand, still warm and the nails painted this almost black dark blue and I just held her hand and tried to imagine the world without us and for about one second I was a good enough person to hope she died so she would never know that I was going, too. But then I wanted more time so we could fall in love. I got my wish, I suppose. I left my scar.”
a place where the young and irreparably broken sink into love.”
But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.”
“The pure and simple truth
Is rarely pure and never simple.
What's a boy to do
When lies and truth are both sinful?”
“We all want to do something to mitigate the pain of loss or to turn grief into something positive, to find a silver lining in the clouds. But I believe there is real value in just standing there, being still, being sad.”
“Maybe all the strings inside him broke.”
“But I believe in true love, you know? I don't believe that everybody gets to keep their eyes or not get sick or whatever, but everybody should have true love, and it should last at least as long as your life does.”
“Isn't it also that on some fundamental level we find it difficult to understand that other people are human beings in the same way that we are? We idealize them as gods or dismiss them as animals.”
“I'm starting to realize that people lack good mirrors. It's so hard for anyone to show us how we look, & so hard for us to show anyone how we feel.”
“When you go into the ER, one of the first things they ask you to do is rate your pain on a scale of one to ten, and from there they decide which drugs to use and how quickly to use them. I'd been asked this question hundreds of times over the years, and I remember once early on when I couldn't get my breath and it felt like my chest was on fire, flames licking the inside of my ribs fighting for a way to burn out of my body, my parents took me to the ER. nurse asked me about the pain, and I couldn't even speak, so I held up nine fingers.
Later, after they'd given me something, the nurse came in and she was kind of stroking my head while she took my blood pressure and said, "You know how I know you're a fighter? You called a ten a nine."
But that wasn't quite right. I called it a nine because I was saving my ten.”
“The real heroes anyway aren't the people doing things; the real heroes are the people NOTICING things, paying attention.”
“So, I know that she forgives me, just as I forgive her. Thomas Edison’s last words were: “It’s very beautiful over there.” I don’t know where there is, but I believe it’s somewhere, and I hope it’s beautiful.”
“Nothing's wrong. Everything's right. Things couldn't be righter. Things could be less tired. They could be less busy. They could be less caffeinated. But they couldn't be righter. ”
“I felt the unfairness of it, the inarguable injustice of loving someone who might have loved you back but can't due to deadness.”
“Someday no one will remember that she ever existed, I wrote in my notebook, and then, or that I did. Because memories fall apart, too. And then you're left with nothing, left not even with a ghost but with its shadow. In the beginning, she had haunted me, haunted my dreams, but even now, just weeks later, she was slipping away, falling apart in my memory and everyone else's, dying again.”
But he wasn't crying. Curiously, he felt too depressed to cry. Too hurt. It felt as if she'd taken the part of him that cried.”
because I do not want to see a world without him.”
“I'm sorry. I know you loved her. It was hard not to.”
“I wanted to know that he would be okay if I died. I wanted to not be a grenade, to not be a malevolent force in the lives of people I loved.”
“Being in a relationship, that's something you choose. Being friends, that's just something you are. . . [But] I do pick you. . . We've been friends too long to pick, but if we could pick, I'd pick you.”
“Come over here so I can examine your face with my hands and see deeper into your soul than a sighted person ever could.”
“It's hard to believe in coincidence, but it's even harder to believe in anything else.”
“We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken.”
“The pleasure isn't in doing the thing, the pleasure is in planning it.”
“My head was level with hers as we stared at each other from opposite sides of the glass. I don't remember how it ended - if I went to bed or she did. In my memory, it doesn't end. We just stay there, looking at each other, forever.”
“Leaving feels good and pure only when you leave something important, something that mattered to you. Pulling life out by the roots. But you can't do that until your life has grown roots.”
“I've never known before what it feels like to want someone - not to want to hook up with them or whatever, but to want them, to want them. And now I do. So maybe I do believe in epiphanies.”
“We acknowledge that being the person God made you cannot separate you from God's love.”
“She had this dark cancer water dripping out of her chest. Eyes closed. Intubated. But her hand was still her hand, still warm and the nails painted this almost black dark blue and I just held her hand and tried to imagine the world without us and for about one second I was a good enough person to hope she died so she would never know that I was going, too. But then I wanted more time so we could fall in love. I got my wish, I suppose. I left my scar.”
a place where the young and irreparably broken sink into love.”
But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.”
“The pure and simple truth
Is rarely pure and never simple.
What's a boy to do
When lies and truth are both sinful?”
“We all want to do something to mitigate the pain of loss or to turn grief into something positive, to find a silver lining in the clouds. But I believe there is real value in just standing there, being still, being sad.”
vineri, 4 mai 2012
John Green
"'I am going to take this bucket of water and pour it on the flames of hell, and then I am going to use this torch to burn down the gates of paradise so that people will not love God for want of heaven or fear of hell, but because He is God.'"
“You can love someone so much...But you can never love people as much as you can miss them.”
“I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, then all at once.”
“What is an "instant" death anyway? How long is an instant? Is it one second? Ten? The pain of those seconds must have been awful as her heart burst and her lungs collapsed and there was no air and no blood to her brain and only raw panic. What the hell is instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding an hour. I doubt that an instant of blinding pain feels particularly instantaneous.”
“That's always seemed so ridiculous to me, that people want to be around someone because they're pretty. It's like picking your breakfeast cereals based on color instead of taste.”
“I didn’t need you, you idiot. I picked you. And then you picked me back.”
“I'm in love with you," he said quietly.
"Augustus," I said.
"I am," he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.”
“When did we see each other face-to-face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that, we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out.”
“You like someone who can't like you back because unrequited love can be survived in a way that once-requited love cannot. ”
“The way I figure it, everyone gets a miracle. Like, I will probably never be struck by lightening, or win a Nobel Prize, or become the dictator of a small nation in the Pacific Islands, or contract terminal ear cancer, or spontaneously combust. But if you consider all the unlikely things together, at least one of them will probably happen to each of us. I could have seen it rain frogs. I could have stepped foot on Mars. I could have been eaten by a whale. I could have married the Queen of England or survived months at sea. But my miracle was different. My miracle was this: out of all the houses in all the subdivisions in all of Florida, I ended up living next door to Margo Roth Spiegelman.”
“There's some people in this world who you can just love and love and love no matter what.”
“NO. No no no. I don't want to screw you. I just love you. When did who you want to screw become the whole game? Since when is the person you want to screw the only person you get to love? It's so stupid, Tiny! I mean, Jesus, who even gives a fuck about sex?! People act like it's the most important thing humans do, but come on. How can our sentient fucking lives revolve around something slugs can do. I mean, who you want to screw and whether you screw them? Those are important questions, I guess. But they're not that important. You know what's important? Who would you die for? Who do you wake up at five forty-five in the morning for even though you don't even know why he needs you? Whose drunken nose would you pick?!”
“For she had embodied the Great Perhaps--she had proved to me that it was worth it to leave behind my minor life for grander maybes, and now she was gone and with her my faith in perhaps.”
“You can love someone so much...But you can never love people as much as you can miss them.”
“I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, then all at once.”
“What is an "instant" death anyway? How long is an instant? Is it one second? Ten? The pain of those seconds must have been awful as her heart burst and her lungs collapsed and there was no air and no blood to her brain and only raw panic. What the hell is instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding an hour. I doubt that an instant of blinding pain feels particularly instantaneous.”
“That's always seemed so ridiculous to me, that people want to be around someone because they're pretty. It's like picking your breakfeast cereals based on color instead of taste.”
“I didn’t need you, you idiot. I picked you. And then you picked me back.”
“I'm in love with you," he said quietly.
"Augustus," I said.
"I am," he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.”
“When did we see each other face-to-face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that, we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out.”
“You like someone who can't like you back because unrequited love can be survived in a way that once-requited love cannot. ”
“The way I figure it, everyone gets a miracle. Like, I will probably never be struck by lightening, or win a Nobel Prize, or become the dictator of a small nation in the Pacific Islands, or contract terminal ear cancer, or spontaneously combust. But if you consider all the unlikely things together, at least one of them will probably happen to each of us. I could have seen it rain frogs. I could have stepped foot on Mars. I could have been eaten by a whale. I could have married the Queen of England or survived months at sea. But my miracle was different. My miracle was this: out of all the houses in all the subdivisions in all of Florida, I ended up living next door to Margo Roth Spiegelman.”
“There's some people in this world who you can just love and love and love no matter what.”
“NO. No no no. I don't want to screw you. I just love you. When did who you want to screw become the whole game? Since when is the person you want to screw the only person you get to love? It's so stupid, Tiny! I mean, Jesus, who even gives a fuck about sex?! People act like it's the most important thing humans do, but come on. How can our sentient fucking lives revolve around something slugs can do. I mean, who you want to screw and whether you screw them? Those are important questions, I guess. But they're not that important. You know what's important? Who would you die for? Who do you wake up at five forty-five in the morning for even though you don't even know why he needs you? Whose drunken nose would you pick?!”
“For she had embodied the Great Perhaps--she had proved to me that it was worth it to leave behind my minor life for grander maybes, and now she was gone and with her my faith in perhaps.”
I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane.
Miles "Pudge" Halter about Alaska Young, p. 88
Miles "Pudge" Halter about Alaska Young, p. 88
vineri, 9 martie 2012
Fara memorie – de Letitia Ilea
N-am sa-mi amintesc funia
Spuse spanzuratul
Am sa port in nari
Mirosul florii de mar
N-am sa-mi amintesc gustul sarii
Spuse inecatul
Am sa duc cu mine
Soarele coborand in mare
Nu voi purta pe corp nici o urma
N-am sa simt durerea
Doar ochii doar ochii
Care au aruncat pietrele
N-am sa-mi amintesc funia
Spuse spanzuratul
Am sa port in nari
Mirosul florii de mar
N-am sa-mi amintesc gustul sarii
Spuse inecatul
Am sa duc cu mine
Soarele coborand in mare
Nu voi purta pe corp nici o urma
N-am sa simt durerea
Doar ochii doar ochii
Care au aruncat pietrele
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